It Takes a Village... and then some

When Annie and I "decided" to have our third daughter, Quinn, we clearly didn't do a good job timing it up with Viv's cancer [insert sarcasm here]. Come to think of it, we probably should have temporarily paused Harper's childhood, development and education while we get through Viv's treatment [did the sarcasm thing make you laugh the first time?]. And finally, I will simply not go into work, not respond to important work emails and phone calls, all while still receiving my full salary and medical benefits to support my family [wait - this part is actually true. More about this in a bit].

The reality is we didn't plan for cancer. What normal person would expect cancer to strike an 18-month-old little girl? When you're thrown into the fire with life's biggest hurdle you begin to learn the true definition, value and importance of family. For Annie and me, we would be on emotional life support if it wasn't for our family, close friends and colleagues. It truly does take a village to raise a child and ultimately survive cancer. 

I would be lying if I said it took cancer for us to begin relying on our family. We've always relied on them. From the day Annie and I met, one of the best attractions for us were each other's families. We have amazing parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles - the list goes on. Family has always been there. Whether it was watching our dogs (and ultimately boarding them indefinitely), dropping off dinner, watching a kid or two (and now three - yikes!), or simply just being there when we needed someone to talk to. It didn't take cancer to get our family's attention, love and support. We've always had it.

One year ago, after Annie and I sold our house, we moved in with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Anthony and Christine. Their son, Jack, wasn't born yet, but they welcomed our craziness into their home while we renovated our new home. I wasn't around much. I put a lot of things on hold while I focused most of my time and attention to literally building our future one piece of drywall at a time with my dad. Anthony stepped up for me. Maybe he was just getting some necessary diaper changing practice in, but he cooked for my family, changed diapers, entertained Harper and Viv and I didn't have to worry about a thing. Christine, one of Annie's 3 best friends, was there to help as well. And she had the most important job of occupying Annie while I worked. We moved into our new home in February - but we always felt at home with Anthony and Christine. Side note: I could never have accomplished a home renovation without my dad. He never taught me carpentry skills or aspects of construction while I was younger - and I expect it's because he wanted more for me. But he and I had the opportunity to work together and ultimately create an amazing bond. Thank you dad - you never get the credit you deserve. Also - there are a few jobs still unfinished. Let me know when you have a minute. Thanks.

Fast forward to July 20th, the date Viv was diagnosed, our families stepped up their game even more. The first few weeks were an overwhelming and logistical nightmare in my mind, but things got done. Annie and I have spent nearly all of our time in the hospital since being admitted, but Harper has always been accounted for. She was a nomad for the first few weeks - sleeping over at Anthony and Christine's and hanging out with her cousin Jack. Sleepovers at Nonnie and Papa's house (my amazing mother and father-in-law, Mary Kay & Pete). Aunt Liz and Julie sleeping over at our house. Uncle Jake. Uncle Marc, Aunt Mary and cousin Liam. My mom (Nana Z). Aunt April. Aunt Jessa. Jesus - the list goes on. And now Joey is back in town. Welcome back, Joey. We missed you. 

After a few weeks in the hospital, and a more normalized and routine schedule for Harper, we had some real consistency for her. The grandma's got together and worked out a plan. Christine and Julie created an iCalendar tracking Harper's activities and who would care for her that day/night. These people altered their lives and schedules to accommodate us. Harper spends most nights in our house thanks to the flexibility and sacrifice from our family.

Hospital life kinda sucks. We've been here for nearly 3 months and have at least another 2-3 months left. That's assuming things go well and there are no additional setbacks. Things would be worse if we didn't have visitors to keep us company, break up the monotony of our routine days, and ultimately give us a little time off to visit with Harper or to simply go for a walk. It helps to have in-laws that work and live so close to the hospital. Liz and Christine, who work at the VA Hospital - less than 5 minutes from our hospital, often catch a break during the day or come after work to spend time with Viv. Mary Kay, the longest tenured employee in Cleveland Clinic history, is always around anytime you need her (and she's around when you don't need her - just kidding, Mary Kay). Pete stops here before Indians games. He's an avid fan and season ticket holder, and he must think Viv is his good luck charm (there's always next year, Tribe). Marc, Mary and Liam have been in town twice since the diagnosis and it's a blessing to have them around. Liam is best buds with Harper and those two can entertain each other for countless hours. Joey, who is back in town for a few months, is a jack-of-all trades. He's amazing with my girls and also a distraction for me. Having Joey back in town is like the Indians getting Andrew Miller back from injury. 

As it relates to my family - this isn't our first encounter with cancer. 10 years ago my Grandpa J passed away from pancreatic cancer after he surpassed most doctor's expectations and prolonged his time on earth. I had a front row seat watching my mom orchestrate his care and comfort. She, my dad and my siblings have been a tremendous help to our family during our current war against cancer. April and Jessa find ways to help given their distance from the hospital (Jessa is 60 miles away in Alliance, OH and April is 2,476 miles away in San Francisco). I'm so impressed with my younger brother, Jake. I've truly never given him the credit he deserves. He's grown up so quickly the past few months and has matured into someone I look up to for inspiration. It's a catch 22 with him, however because while I'm so proud of him, I'm sad he's enrolled in school and has a job he's dedicated to. He was an amazing help over the summer but he still finds time to fit my daughters into his extremely busy schedule. Thank you, Uncle Jakey. My girls love you and so do I.

Did I mention I haven't been to work in nearly 3 months? About that: my company, Speedeon Data, is the greatest company on the planet and led by some of the most generous and family-first individuals you'll ever meet. After we learned the diagnosis, I shared the news with several of my colleagues. At the time, it was very difficult for me to find the strength to speak the words out loud. The support and encouragement I received have helped carry me through this process. This amazing company has helped lift a huge burden off my shoulders and continues to reduce my stress. People have rallied together to cover for me and perform my job duties (probably not as good as me - I'm pretty f'ing good at what I do) while I focus on what is most important in my life right now. I'm not a charity case for the company. I think I've earned, through my 8+ years at Speedeon, the love and support of the staff. I want you all to know how grateful I am. I will do anything for you. Thank you Gerard, Marc, Josh, Linda, Kyle, Lindsey K, Grace, Justin, Brad, Riaan, Frank, Lindsey S., Jim, Gary, Rachel, TJ, Patrick, Margaret, Amy, Cody, Alex, Ben, Jennifer, Greg, Brennan, Brandon, Nicole, Ed, Jason and Matt. I really hope I didn't miss anyone. If I did - big thanks to you, too... man (or woman). 

Sorry for the long blog post and random nature to my writing style. This is the last part - I promise. I often joke about having sister wives between my wife's 3 sisters, and while I'm not legally allowed to marry all of them - they are such a close-knit and vital part of our family. We wouldn't be able to do this without you all. I've saved the best for last and I'm literally crying as I'm writing this part. My sister-in-law, Julie, is literally an extension of my wife and one of the most selfless and caring people I've ever encountered. She has sacrificed and reprioritized so much in her life to help us with ours and we cannot thank you enough. I recently found a Mother's Day card from this year addressed to Annie. It was from Julie & Liz. In the card, they wrote something like this: "we would be so bored if it wasn't for your kids". The irony of this comment is that they don't have much time to themselves or the capacity to carry on typical social lives of people their age. I've watched Julie adjust her work schedule to work the weekend nightshift (Julie is a nurse at the Cleveland Clinic) to accommodate other's more traditional work schedules. She canceled a trip to see Joey in Florida a few months back. She sleeps at her house, my house and sometimes the hospital. She's always texting us asking how she can help, or what we need. She doesn't do much for herself - yet does so much for us. Julie - I know you do it for Viv, but it impacts all of us in such a positive way. I could keep writing, as I'm sure I'm leaving out so many stories of your kindness and generous, bleeding heart, but I want to emphasis how much we appreciate and love you. Thank you for all you do.

Thank you to everyone I've mentioned in this blog. We love all of you and wouldn't be able to work through this difficult time in our life without you. The title of this post doesn't even come close to the amount of love and support you all provide. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a family to beat cancer. I pray that you all have the strength to help us get through the remainder of Viv's war. Together, we are VIVSTRONG.