Viv's Eulogy
On Saturday, January 23rd, 2016 Viv was born.
On Thursday, July 20th, 2017 Viv was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer.
On Thursday, October 26th, 2017 Viv received a bone marrow transplant.
On Wednesday, January 22nd, 2020 Viv went to heaven.
In such a short time on this earth, Viv impacted so many and helped us in so many ways. We will never replace her. It was my duty and honor to deliver her eulogy on Monday, January 27th, 2020.
Here is my daughter’s eulogy:
Before I get started, I would like to state a few ground rules inspired by Viv:
Number 1: Anything goes
Number 2: This won’t be a traditional funeral. Sorry Father Kiser. Viv wasn’t traditional and she did things her way. I’m here to do the same
Number 3: We hate silence. I realize that silence is a time to reflect, but during Viv’s lifetime we thrived on chaos and things like laughter, music and conversation keep us moving forward even when darkness drowned out the light.
Number 4: I’m borrowing a line from a family member’s eulogy, but it fits perfectly here: Viv never left anywhere fast. Saying goodbye seemed to last forever. So I’m not in any hurry and I hope you’re not either.
Finally, Number 5: Let’s shake things up.
Thursday, January 23rd would have been my daughter’s 4th birthday. Unfortunately she passed away 14 minutes shy of that milestone when she took her final breath. We were honored by so many who came to our home on Thursday to remember Viv and to sing her Happy Birthday. I realize this is unconventional, but let’s sing her Happy Birthday as loud and as uplifting as we can so she can hear it. Are you ready? “Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Vivi. Happy Birthday to you!”
When Viv was first diagnosed, we were devastated. We go through life with a blissful ignorance that typically doesn’t allow these types of premonitions to enter into our minds. Unfortunately for us and for Viv, cancer became a reality. It was at the time I wrote two speeches in my head: 1.) the speech I’ll give at her wedding one day once this is all behind us, and the second is the speech I’m delivering to you now.
I’m not going to talk to you about all the suffering she endured over the past 2.5 years. By now, you’ve heard the stories and it’s well documented. I’m here to tell you a story about an amazing, fun-loving and charismatic young girl named Vivi Rose.
Viv was unlike any child we ever met. My wife and I are the most biased people in this room, but I’m sure some of you will agree how special she was. When she entered a room, whether it’s in our home, here on the grounds at Gesu, at the hospital or anywhere in-between, she owned the room. As a parent of 3 daughters, it’s easy to see what makes them unique and we always try to forecast their life, their profession and their personality when they grow up.
Viv could have been a powerful politician. She was a glad-hander and made a point to speak with everyone, both kids and adults.
She could have been a great business leader or salesperson. That girl negotiated her heart out and always ended up creating mutual compromises for everyone, but in the end she would always get what she wanted.
She could have been a movie critic. She could tell you about all the characters and the music from the dozens of movies she loved to watch.
She could have been a doctor. How many kids do you know that can functionally understand a hospital setting in the way Viv did?
She could have been anything, but she was so much more and she accomplished more in her 4 years on this earth than I could have ever imagined.
I asked some close family members to provide some short funny stories about Viv. I would like to share those with you now:
Viv was obsessed with muscles and assessing people’s strength. Her best gauge for this was squeezing your arms to determine how strong you were. She told her grandma, Mary Kay, that she wasn’t very strong because her arms are squishy.
Viv was obsessed with money. But like most kids her age, coins seemed to carry a higher value than dollars. She told my dad “I don’t want your stupid dollars, I want your coins”. And he always gave her whatever she wanted.
Viv would mimic her aunts in an effort to be like the women she admired most. She would have “girl talks” with them, talking about boys, marriage and even kissing. She would watch Christine feed Josie and then sneak off to breastfeed her baby dolls.
One time, during the summer of 2018 we lost Viv. We searched all over the house and were freaking out that we couldn’t find her. We saw a group of neighbor kids across the street on Carroll Blvd, and there was Viv. Right in the middle. She had no fear and crossed the street by herself. We’re just glad no one called Child Protective Services on us that day.
Viv loved to go shopping. And the people that would take her shopping immediately regretted it once she began loading up the shopping cart with all the things she “NEEDED”. But she was always thinking about others and made sure to add stuff to the cart for her sisters and cousins. When my mother-in-law would ask her “Who is paying for all of this?” Viv would pull a few coins out of her pocket and take care of it.
There are so many stories and funny memories. When you have a chance, ask us to tell you more. They’re guaranteed to make us all laugh and feel better.
In 4 years Viv brought so many people together. She cultivated a community of people from our family and friends, to our neighbors, to our Gesu parish, to medical professionals, and ultimately people from across the globe. In the past few days I’ve received messages from some of the patients and family members who met Viv while receiving treatment at Rainbow Babies & Children’s hospital. Their messages are all the same: “your daughter gave us joy and helped us to laugh and to smile during the most difficult of times.” That alone gives me comfort in knowing that she served a purpose during her time on this earth. But her purpose and her fight has inspired so many more. Plenty of parents come up to us and tell us how strong we are and how they could never imagine what we are going through. The truth - I don’t know if we’re strong or not. But Viv was and she made it easy. She never let her condition slow her down. She gave us all the hope we needed. She built this community for us because she knew it would be what we needed to survive and move on once she was ready to fly with the angels. And she was right. Because our strength was so dependent on her, and now that she is gone we need to lean on all of you to help us. Help us live. Help us pour our hearts into Harper and Quinn, Viv’s two amazing and supportive sisters. Help us to build a legacy for Viv to continue the purpose that she established. Help us to never forget, but to always remember and immortalize our daughter, Viv. Our biggest fear is people will forget. Please don’t let that happen.
I’ve been talking a lot. We’ve all been crying a lot. Time to shake it up. I would like to call on a series of people and ask that they stand up when called. I’ll walk you through why you have helped us and then I want applause from everyone to let them know how special they are. Sound good?
First, I want to call on any member of the Gesu parish. Please stand up. Teachers, students, faculty and staff, parishioners. Please stand. Thank you. Thank you for making our family feel so loved and so welcomed. This is the greatest and strongest parish on the planet and I’d like to think that Viv helped strengthen it even further. They even called off school to allow everyone the opportunity to celebrate Viv’s life with us. Please give a round of applause for this group.
Next, I want to call any medical professionals to stand up. If you work or used to work in that profession, please stand. Especially the folks at Rainbow, Mac6, the PICU, Surgery, her Transplant team. Thank you for being some of the most selfless humans on this planet. Because of your contribution and care giving skills, you helped our family and my daughter in ways that we cannot even describe. Please give a round of applause for this group.
I’d like to call on anyone and everyone associated with A Special Wish - Cleveland Chapter. If you work there, volunteer, have donated, or attended any of their events. Please stand. This organization has changed our lives and helped us during the most difficult times. Their generosity and mission is something that cannot be measured. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you! Please give a round of applause.
Next, I would like to single someone out for just a moment. Deb Straniero. Can you please stand? Just for a moment, by yourself. Sorry to make this awkward. Now, if you don’t know who Deb is. I’m sorry. But if you know Deb or “Mrs. Straniero” as she is commonly referred to by her TOPS students. Please stand up with her. Deb is a living saint and she is someone that has helped us more than she’ll ever realize. She’s family and she loved and prayed for Viv the same way we did. With passion. Please give a big round of applause for Deb Straniero. Thank you Deb, we love you.
Family time. If you are related to Viv in any way, please stand up. I don’t care if you’re a cousin, a 5th cousin, an aunt who is twice removed. Stand up. Even if you have some weird Cleveland way of saying you’re related. Just stand with us. 2nd to Viv, our family gave us their strength. They worked so hard, accommodated our crazy life, and poured their hearts and their souls into making Viv’s time on this earth the best it could possibly be. We would be so lost without you. Please give a big round of applause for our family.
When I say your name, please stand up. Mary Kay, Pete, Mom, Dad, Christine, Anthony, Liz, Julie, Joey, Marc, Mary, April, Jake and Jessa. This core group of people has been VIVSTRONG with us since the very beginning. They have sacrificed so much. Worked so hard. And made life enjoyable. Without their help none of this could have worked. Please give a round of applause.
Finally - Annie, Harper and Quinn. If you can, please stand. If you guys can’t tell, I’m the emotional train wreck. Annie has been our rock. Pete and Mary Kay, you should be overwhelmed with emotion to see how amazing your daughter has been for me, for Viv and for Harper and Quinn. We wouldn’t have survived without you. Harper - you’re the unsung hero of this story. You gave up so much so that we could give Viv the proper care and comfort she needed. You deserve so much more and we will give that back to you. We have a void in our hearts now, but we intend to fill it with more love for you and Quinn. Quinn - you were born into this mess. Annie was 8 months pregnant when Viv was diagnosed. Quinn - your goofy personality and passion for creating chaos has always been a welcoming distraction for us. Please give these three the biggest round of applause.
Thank you to everyone. I realize how ridiculous this sounds, but we are the luckiest and most fortunate family. It’s because of this community we feel that way. Please give one final round of applause for my daughter and let her hear it from heaven.
Rest easy, baby girl.
